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hail from Flux this month to enlist your support in the preservation of an endangered species. Not the northern spotted owl, not the blunt-nosed leopard lizard, Arkansas Fatmucket, or Haliaeetus leucocephalusâ€"nor any other fading taxonomical critter. I'm thinking rather of somethingâ€"someoneâ€"much more dear and closer to home.
      It all happened because of a most distressing true incident. When I submitted July's C++ Q&A column to MSDN® Magazine, it contained the fragment, "...because the original Windows hackers wrote all kinds of hardwired stuff..." Fine words, don't you think? Alas, I was told it wasn't politically correct. Why did I call the Microsofties hackers? They hadn't done anything wrong.
      "You don't understand" I said. "Hacker is a compliment! It means they were good programmers." The reviewers frowned. They were not convinced. In the end, not even my editor could save me; I was forced to swallow my aesthetic pride and change "hackers" to "creators." Ugh!
      It's not just the reviewers. It's everyone. No one knows what a hacker is. If you say hacker, people immediately think Love Bug and Melissa.
      Depressed and dejected, I turned to MIT Linguist/Professor of Humor Samuel Jay Keyser for solace. Jay assured me this kind of linguistic assimilation is quite common, that resistance is futile. Futile? But resist we must! Hacker is too good to lose! I propose that we launch a massive lexicographic edification campaign, beginning right here, right now, on this page!
      You can find the true definition of hacker many places; my favorite isâ€"what else?â€"The Hacker's Dictionary, wherein lies much useful info, like Grokking Hacker Grammar and Making Hacker Noisesâ€"not to mention definitions for terms like frob, jrst, gweep, feeping creaturism and, of course, hacker. But since this is the Web age and younger readers may not remember what a book is, I've copied the definition from the Hacker's Jargon site (https://www.hasc.ca/jargon) and pasted it below. Please read it now. (True hackers may skip directly to the next paragraph.)
      Did you read it? Good. Noteâ€"note!â€"that the "malicious meddler" definition appears last and is deprecated! The correct term for a dark-side hacker is cracker. This is more than mere semantic hairsplitting. To be called hacker is a form of high praise. As the Jargon site says, "There is ... a certain ego satisfaction to be had in identifying yourself as a hacker." In other words, pride. If we let hacker degenerate, it won't be the only word we lose. It'll be us! If the word vanishes, so too the concept. We must take a stand. Here's how:

• Organize a Million Hacker March. (I'd do it, but I'm gweeped.)
  
• If someone misuses hacker at a cocktail party, correct them. (Problem: hackers don't go to cocktail parties.)
  
• Print coming-out T-shirts, buttons, and bumper stickers that proclaim "I'm a hacker" or "Ihacking."
  
• Run the definition as a full-page ad in every newspaper in the United States.
  
• Stage a strike by tying yourself to your computer. (Problem: a true hacker might tie himself to his computer, but he'd never stop hacking.)
  
• If someone misuses hacker, mail him a Ritz cracker. He'll get an envelope of crumbsâ€"totally appropriate.
  
• Remember, George Washington hacked the cherry tree!